"Step Right Up and Spin the Wheel”

Oh Lord, here we go again for another round of the “N”, word.   Well, the other “N” word. I don’t believe that I have ever seen more articles, videos, blogs, vlogs on the subject of Narcissism as I have over the last year.

Perhaps it’s my “reticular activating system”, peaking out as a result of the amount of personal victory I’ve gained over this creepy malaise.

Whatever the case might be, I have, through counseling and coaching over-comers, a surplus of evidence of this very real endemic paralysis.

While most of what I become aware of surrounding this subject is chiefly negative, there are positive, healthy benefits that narcissism can offer to those that are really in tune with themselves. We all carry narcissistic predispositions,  however my personal journey and experiences with others has unfortunately been on the minus side.

I, by no means have reached the shores of unmitigated freedom, but I am no longer being tossed about, and battered against the sharp craggy rocks.

In the midst of my aberrations, by some means, I managed to attract a wedge of driftwood that has become my close ally, and as I float across the choppy waters, the shoreline is in sight.

Yesterday, on a drive home from Austin, my bride leaned towards me, tilted her phone so that I could see the results of a pastime Facebook game she was lured into. I initially didn’t give it much attention. I was driving so I thought it was best to maintain our vehicle between the two white lines. I did a double take because I did manage to catch a glimpse of the title of the game. It read, “Are you a narcissist?” By clicking “play”, a wheel spun and where it parked, revealed her degree of narcissism.  I was not surprised that it was “zero”.

She spent several years enduring much abuse as she learned about this disorder. I was her primary “instructor”.          

She made it her quest to support me in getting free, and only by the grace of God was she able to. I was on the “A”, list when it came to one who operated at peak levels of narcissism.

As I watched a gazillion mile markers pass my peripheral view at breakneck speed, I kept seeing the narcissist wheel on the game she showed me. As I watched it spinning in my mind’s eye, I got to thinking? What if  there were a precise narcissist spinning wheel? One that provided the candidate with a super accurate reading!

If a device like that existed, and could be executed in the comfort of your own home, I wondered, how many people would have the courage to take the test? And of those who took the test, what might be the percentage of those that would actually take the necessary steps in order to bring the pointer down to zero?

As humans, we are unfortunately plagued with a variety of diseases, disorders, conditions, illnesses, sickness and malaises.

I believe that the majority of us will do whatever it takes to bring relief to a skin infection, a toothache, or get relief from migraines, to name only a few.

But what about Narcissism? If, and when, we really become aware that we are harming others as a result of our destructive behavior will we take action and do whatever it requires in order to get free? The greatest challenge that I’ve witnessed is that a large percentage of our society who are narcissists, men and woman alike, will not own it or come to grips with the possibility that they might be one?

When confronted, even in the gentlest manner, the predictable response is deflection, projection, gas lighting, slander, casting shade and in some cases, an all-out verbal assault. I got the T-shirt, so there’s no real chance of pulling the wool over my eyes when it comes to recognizing the text book behaviors.

The syntax may vary but the actions are very consistent.

As you’re reading this, I wonder if you might have asked yourself, “am I a narcissist”. If you did, chances are the pointer would not stop too far from zero. It would actually be an indication that you are probably the type of person that would humble themselves and take the necessary actions to correct your behavior.

If you have not asked yourself, or just inferred that you are not, never were, nor ever will be, I totally understand and have empathy because I am very aware of the number of times that I partnered with my pride and ego and remained a prisoner in their dungeon.

However, this does not excuse you of the responsibility you have, and what you owe to yourself to live a mentally and spiritually healthy life. Not to mention the benefits your family and loved ones will receive.   

In the past year I have coached and counseled several individuals that are “overcoming” their abusive condition. Some have had to leave their spouses and others ended up divorced, which is very heart wrenching. Although I hold no university degrees in any kind of “ology”, lifeology alone prepared me very well,  and gave me great confidence to speak, teach and minister with regards to this subject.

I have made it one of my missions in life to help men, specifically, identify and correct aberrative, destructive abusive behavior patterns that are linked to narcissism. I have also had quite a few women seek me out, desperate to get some answers and help with their spouses.

Many professionals say that narcissism cannot be eradicated, and once a person is a narcissist, they will always be. I strongly disagree and I am convinced that any individual that is willing to admit that they are not well and are manifesting the symptoms, will humble themselves and allow those that can lead them across the stormy seas can absolutely be set free!

If this blog has revealed to you, even in the smallest way, that you need help and would like to embark on a journey to freedom, please feel free to contact me personally.

I am personally developing “resetrEVOLution and you can learn more on my website at robertcoello.mykajabi.com

I am collecting some resources and other materials that although no guarantee can be made for any individual, with the right humble heart, the desire to be led and most of all, determination, I am very confident that anyone can achieve levels of peace and freedom and I will go out on a limb and say, that perhaps you’ve longed for , for quite some time now.