Let's Get Naked!

“You’re kidding me, right? Are you really asking me to take off my clothes, like right here, in public? You must not be properly wired if you think for one minute, that I would even remotely consider getting naked right here, much less in front of you! What kind of pervert are you? Just because we have gotten much closer and our relationship has grown, doesn’t mean that I am going to just whip off my clothes and expose myself.”

“No, no no no. It’s not what you think Jen! It’s just a figure of speech, and obviously a poor choice of words on my part. Let me explain.

In my counseling session the other day, my therapist let me know that I had achieved a new level. And pervert, was not what I attained. She informed me that as a result of the work we have been doing and the progress that I have made I had now achieved the, “Naked” level. It simply means that I am no longer a prisoner to shame and fear. By exposing so much of what I have been through, especially the sexual perversion and drug and alcohol addiction, it’s like the power cord was unplugged from any harmful emotions they were tied to that perpetually made me their slave.

It’s a wonderful feeling Jen and never in my wildest dreams did I ever believe that I could be free! I mean really free! I do recall a time when I was sitting in my cell and I did one of those proverbial, God if you’re there will you help me prayers, but honestly afterwards I just felt silly because I was convinced that the only thing God had on His mind for me, was a firing squad for all the awful things that I had done.

I’ve just been so freagin excited about what I am experiencing that I want others to get naked! I mean, expose themselves, arrghh, no, like, just be real, transparent, vulnerable.

I know that it can be absolutely terrifying because of the fear of being rejected, not liked, ridiculed. But I am telling you Jen that when we can muster up the courage to do so, life starts to ROCK!

All the sudden people are more drawn to you. It’s crazy!

People that in the past would not even speak to me are literally looking to me for advice, yeah , me! I had someone approach me the other day and ask me, “what have you done with yourself, I know it’s not a haircut or a tan, but something is really different about you.  I just can’t seem to put my finger on it? If that’s not cool enough, have you noticed how much more time we have been spending together? Ummm, last year you wouldn’t have anything to do with me or given me the time of day, and had it not been for us having that little fender bender leaving campus, I wouldn’t be here sharing this with you.

You have no idea the inspiration you have been to me Jen, and I would go as far as even saying, a Godsend.

This friendship means a lot to me, and in the beginning, I just knew that I would blow it, just like I have all the others as a result of my insecurities and my rejection and narcissist ways. Yes, I said it, the “N, word.” And you know what? There is no shame anymore and I am proud to say that I no longer “operate”, that way. I am creating a new version of me and I like it.

Like John Mayer says. “I’m in repair, I’m not together but I’m getting there”.I love , love, love that phrase. 

So, I decided that I would go the extra mile in my therapy sessions and finally discover what was causing me to destroy relationships? Why I had to continually reject people that I loved and desired to be in relationship with. As I began to expose myself and become more and more vulnerable, own my poor decisions and choices and really feel the sting, I literally felt like I was getting taller!

I can’t even begin to tell you all of the benefits that come from exposure and If I can get people, one by one to understand how freeing it is, they too will want to “get naked”.

Now do you see what I mean? I do apologize if initially I made you feel uncomfortable, and thank you so much for allowing me the opportunity to unpack all of this with you.

You are very fortunate Jen, in that you were raised in such a healthy environment, unlike many of us who grew up in such dysfunctional families, and well, I will just leave it that. I know you get the picture.

Yes, you too, I’m sure have your share of skeletons, but in all honesty,  I truly believe that they pale in comparison to the majority of us. That’s what totally freaked me out about you. Someone that I comnsider to be so sane and mentally healthy like you would want to have anything to do with me? I just chalked it up to, it’s just a matter of time until you figure me out and you will be gone, I'll reject you, just like the rest and you'll join the wake that follows me of broken relationships.

As time went on and the more I got naked I began realizing that my thought patterns were changing, my motivations were entirely different. I began to put two and two together and wham, one day, it hit me like a ton of bricks!  I had believed the lie that I had to reject everyone because eventually they were going to reject me anyway, so what was the point in trying to develop a relationship with anyone? It was an illusion, a smokescreen that the enemy had so cleverly used to destroy me.

But I "accepted" the lead role and well the results have not been favorable.

Oh my! I didn’t realize how much time has passed! And here I am rambling on and on like there’s no tomorrow.

I have decided to make it my mission in life to just invite people to “get naked” and jump in to the deep end of the pool where all of the debris has sunk to the bottom. Where we are willing to go with the help of others and really put in the work and eradicate the junk and discover the beautiful creature that we truly are. One who is free of control, manipulation, self-loathing, insecurities and a host of other maladies that plague our very existence , ultimately robbing us of the abundant life that we have been “freely” given.

Thanks again Jen, you are truly a gem!